DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side
of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE"
of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid
he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before
adding "NEW" problems.
_______________________________________________________
OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of
having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which
is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he
can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest
of the chickens.
__________________________________________________
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed
the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of
the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There
is no middle ground here.
_____________________________________________
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
___________________________________________
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is
a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access
to the other side of the road.
__________________________________________
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not
for it now, and will remain against it.
__________________________________________
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
___________________________________________
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
American.
_________________________________________
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way
that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's
Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
_________________________________________
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
crossed I've not been told.
_______________________________________
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
________________________________________
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes,
my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you
will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort
out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken
should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as
that.
______________________________________________
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough.
__________________________________________
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we
will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart
warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting,
and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the
road.
___________________________________________
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together, in peace.
____________________________________________
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part
of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never
cra...#@&&^( C \ . reboot.
______________________________________________
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
road move beneath the chicken?
____________________________________________
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
What is your definition of chicken?
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AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
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COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
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DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
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