wreck of the day

A study completed by IU and Connecticut researchers found that adopted children may fair better than unadopted children.

Well, DUH.



Annie was adopted. Annie was rich. Therefore, we can infer that all adopted children are rich.

Another good example:
Jimmy from Blades of Glory. Jimmy was adopted and was consequently rich, talented, and famous.















Further proving this theory from the same movie is Chad Michael Michaels, who was not adopted and was not brought up the right way. He was, however, quite talented. And sexy.












I think that these scientists can infer from the movies that adopted children are better. I don't think we really need to do studies on the things that we can learn from the cinema. Instead, scientists, I think we should turn our attention to cloning sheep or something crazy like that.

sleep don't weep

I don't usually do sports, but according to the New York Times, the Detroit Red Wings beat the Anaheim Ducks 1-0 and moved into a three way tie for the spot of first place in the overall standings.

It's a sad, sad day. Those poor kids.

Am I wrong, or in their second movie did they not win like the Olympics against Iceland or something? HOW CAN THEY LOSE???

A little part of me died today... the day those quirky little hockey players lost to the Red Wings.
EMILIO!!!! EMMMILLLLIO!!!!

You can put that thumb down now, champ.

Damn Ducks should have gone with the flying Vee.

long slow goodbye

I don't usually do jokes, but my dad sent me this one and I thought it deserved a spot on the blog. =)



DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't

realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side

of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE"

of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid

he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before

adding "NEW" problems.

_______________________________________________________



OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems,

which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of

having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which

is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he

can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest

of the chickens.

__________________________________________________



GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed

the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of

the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There

is no middle ground here.

_____________________________________________



COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see

the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

___________________________________________



ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is

a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access

to the other side of the road.

__________________________________________



JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the

road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,

and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not

for it now, and will remain against it.

__________________________________________



NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's

GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

___________________________________________



PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking

American.

_________________________________________



MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way

that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's

Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain

level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

_________________________________________



DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it

with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it

crossed I've not been told.

_______________________________________



ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

________________________________________



JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people

see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going

to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes,

my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you

will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort

out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with

seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken

should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as

that.

______________________________________________



GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the

road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that

was good enough.

__________________________________________



BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we

will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart

warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting,

and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the

road.

___________________________________________



JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing

roads together, in peace.

____________________________________________



ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

____________________________________________



BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not

only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,

and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part

of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never

cra...#@&&^( C \ . reboot.

______________________________________________



ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the

road move beneath the chicken?

____________________________________________



BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.

What is your definition of chicken?

-----------------------------------------------------------------



AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

------------------------------------------------------------------



COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

------------------------------------------------------------------



DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

constant static

An IU grad student is under investigation for stealing 3 computers from IUTS.

Don't worry though, he has a good reason. To pay off his crack/cocaine debt.

Can you believe that authorities are trying to arrest this guy? I mean, if he owed money for gambling, medical bills, or taxes, then yes, maybe he is punishable by law for stealing. But he had a valid reason for stealing. Actually, I think in this case, we should probably just call it borrowing (since he had such a good reason). Book money? Tuition money? Nope. He just needed some cash to pay for his crack debts.

I think we should all learn a lesson from this young man. Stealing doesn't pay (well, technically it does if you don't get caught...), but crack does.

grand theft autumn

Here is my newest article.

So, there was a package of marijuana sent to assembly hall today. Accident? Coincidence?


I think not. Some university official is going to be pretty upset once he finds out that somebody got a hold of his "package" before he or she did.

Who is J. Smith? Sounds like a pretty common name..there must be one on this campus somewhere. And when we find him/her (after sorting through the 30+ Indiana Bloomington affiliated J. Smiths), then they will pay.

Unless of course it was just a silly joke. But I don't know about that one.